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Strabius

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a test animation i made in Pencil2D of my elementalsona, Strabiwisp.
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Commissions are reopened. Squidward Sexy (Dance)

Kay so, my bank account's been overdrawn. I was informed that I have $-5 in my account, and the longer I stay in the negative, the more money my bank will charge me. I won't get paid from my current job until next week. For that reason, I am reopening commissions. Would prefer to have a few bucks soon so that I don't get further in the negative.

Commission- Caramel by Strabius1 character, Mini-Headbust= $3

Commission- Jackie Ren and Ashby by Strabius1 character, Rinky-Dinky= $5
Commission- Vampire Knight by Strabius1 character, Half Body= $10
Commission- Papyton Snuggles by Strabius1 character, Full Body= $15

Commission Rules [Does not apply to Mini-Headbusts and Rinky-Dinkies]
*Additional characters are half the initial price.
*Shading+Lighting is NOT an option currently, only flat colors.
*I would prefer to have a reference to look at ahead of time.

I COULD do nsfw commissions, but:
*I would not post them, I would send it privately to you after being paid.
*I can turn you down if what you request makes me uncomfortable.
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I'm currently taking Hamilton-related drawing requests on Tumblr: strabiart.tumblr.com/post/1768…

I'll open the offer here on DA, but I don't think many of my watchers here are fans of Hamilton. If you happen to be a Hamilton fan, please feel free to drop me a request for a drawing. I might not take it, but I am open to it.

Subject for requests are limited to:
The Hamilton Musical
Turn: Washington’s Spies
Liberty Kids
Historically accurate Founding Fathers (and Eliza)

My preferred characters to draw:
Alexander Hamilton (would greatly prefer)
John Laurens
Eliza Schuyler Hamilton
Marquis de Lafayette
George Washington
James Madison
Thomas Jefferson
Aaron Burr
King George III
(these apply to everything listed above)
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Pride Meme

7 min read
Stolen from :iconcalamity-studios:

1. what’s your gender?
:bulletpurple: I identify as Genderqueer, my biological sex is Female.

2. what are your pronouns?
:bulletpurple:She/Her and They/Them

3. is your family accepting?
:bulletpurple:They don't understand, it but they do accept me.

4. what do you wish you could tell your past self?
:bulletpurple:Don't worry, you're just really horny and don't realize it.

5. what is your sexuality?
:bulletpurple:I am Demisexual, but I'm super into dudes, which makes me Demi-Heterosexual.

6. favorite color?
:bulletpurple:Purple.

7. sun gay or moon gay?
:bulletpurple:What is the difference?

8. when did you find out your sexuality?
:bulletpurple:I always knew I liked dudes, but when I was entering teenhood, I started liking dude/dude pairings, and the only people I knew at the time that liked such pairings were queer girls on the internet (most who were in relationships with other women), so I was like "am i gay???"
It wasnt until in high school, when I asked a girl in the GSA club about it, that she informed me that liking dude/dude love doesn't define your sexuality. She herself was a lesbian who liked to read and write Sherlock/Watson fan fiction, but she still preferred women in a relationship.
Also, in college, I had a few drawing classes where we had to sketch nude models, and they were mostly women, and upon drawing them I found I felt nothing for their bodies. So my desires, both sexual and sensual, are for men only, no girls allowed... Unless you're Hilary Duff. I would marry her.

9. how was your day?
:bulletpurple:Unproductive but alright.

10. do you have any gay friends?
:bulletpurple:Yep.

11. what’s your favorite hobby?
:bulletpurple:Cooking/baking.

12. who’s the best gay icon in your opinion?
:bulletpurple:Jack from Jacksfilms.

13. which pride flags do you like the most design/color wise?
:bulletpurple:All of them, though for a while I felt like the heterosexual flag seemed kinda ominous, like it was drained of all joyful color and appeared to be made out of scorn. But I'm changing that thought in my head by thinking of how it looks like Erik X's shirt from Creature Feature, and I love that guy, so I guess it's not that bad.

14. are you openly out?
:bulletpurple:I guess I am???

15. are you comfortable with yourself?
:bulletpurple:Gender identity has always been iffy for me. I identified as Genderfluid in my last year of high school, but after a couple of years it just didn't feel right for me. Non-Binary doesn't seem like the right identity for me, so using Genderqueer feels like a better fit for myself, since it's an umbrella of other non-binary identities. I still feel like I'm not allowed to be proud of myself for this identity, but I'm trying.

As for my sexuality, I'm normally totally cool about my attraction to dudes, as well as my Demisexuality, but it was during these last few months when I came to realize how not everyone in the LGBTQA+ community accepts straight people, as well as those in the Asexual community (which Demis are part of). I often see aphobe discourse being juggled around Tumblr, and need I mention the frequent bitter use of "het" as a negative connotation of straight people? It makes me feel very insecure, as if I am not allowed to participate in Pride Month because people like me are not welcome. Thankfully, I have friends who support me and pushed me to be more of a participant this year, and I appreciate that very much.

16. bottom or top?
:bulletpurple:idk im a virgin.

17. femme or butch?
:bulletpurple:meh

18. do you bind?
:bulletpurple:It's something I've thought about but not really considered, I don't feel compelled to do it, it's just a passing thought. Maybe I'll get myself a binder at some point, but I don't need one as of right now.

19. do you shave?
:bulletpurple:Whenever I feel like it.

20. if you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?
:bulletpurple:The guy behind the cash register at my local Walgreens.

21. do you have a partner (s)?
:bulletpurple:no

22. describe your partner (s)?
:bulletpurple:#21

23. have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?
:bulletpurple:no

24. anyone of another sex?
:bulletpurple:no

25. pastel gay or goth gay?
:bulletpurple:#7

26. favorite dad in dream daddies?
:bulletpurple:I still need to play that, but for now Brian is my dream daddy.

27. tell me a random fact about yourself?
:bulletpurple:Apparently I count as a POC. I have never seen myself as a person of color, nor did I consider myself "white", but I looked it up an apparently mixed race people do count as POC. I don't see it as something of major importance, the color of my skin is superficial, it's my mixed culture and heritage from both sides that I consider of value, as well as the psychology of my mental health and personality, influenced by my home and social life (or lackthereof).

28. do you own any pride flags/merch?
:bulletpurple:I have an equality button with the Gay Pride flag on it, and I recently bought myself a tank top that has colors of the Genderqueer flag on it, although it's merely coincidental and unintentional, but it works for me.

29. have you ever been to a pride parade?
:bulletpurple:No I haven't.

30. any advice to someone who isn’t out or who is exploring themselves?
:bulletpurple:Be patient with yourself, there is no hurry. You are not alone and you are valid.
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Warning: this journal entry mentions depression, suicide, and self-harm.

...Okay. Ever since I was booted out of college last summer, I've gradually become more and more depressed, and gradually started having intense thoughts of wanting to disappear/vanish/not wanting to exist (like in 2016 before I was diagnosed with depression). From Janauary into February, I started drawing less and stopped posting art all together to my gallery, and even stopped checking my DA. I've posted little art, mostly phone doodles, on my Tumblr, but still felt reluctant to return to DA. From then on, my mental state gradually came tumbling down, and I realized my thoughts of wanting to disappear were turning suicidal, convinced that I was a waste of existence that should end myself to alleviate my burden from those I care about. It got worse and worse, despite the best intentions of some of my friends, until i had a major meltdown early March, started self-harming, and attempted to end my life. I was stopped by my mom, and after talking to my parents, I'm finally getting the help i need.
I've become an out-patient and started group therapy, and I am also back on medication after almost a year of being off them (I was only able to do this because my family got back on health insurance). I am still not well, I still have manic episodes, major fear of abandonment yet still feel like pushing others away with the mindset that they're better off without me, terrible self-loathing, and self-harming is... well, it still lingers in the back of my mind, I'm afraid. I don't want to be like this, I want to be able to love myself despite this abusive relationship I have with myself. I want to be a positive influence on others and not... this thing I've become. I'm on my way to make an effort to improve my self-worth, I want to feel good about myself and not feel so scornful towards myself anymore.

To my loved ones that I would reassure I was not capable of this kind of self-destruction, I'm sorry, and I will do my best to stay on this path to self-improvement.
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